About

I am a Writer, Poet, Painter, Top-Rated Freelance Marketer, and Investor.

The genesis of this blog is rooted in a painful transformation.

In 2021, amidst the hustle of running Red Barrel Media, a B2B marketing firm for tech startups, I encountered a soul-wrecking identity crisis that spiralled into a profound depression, loss of faith, and social isolation.

Lost in this existential angst, I grappled with the haunting uncertainty in my relationships, creative life, and work. I was overwhelmed with visions of suffering, darkness, and endless paths that led nowhere.

Rollo May clearly described my condition at the time in one of my influential books ‘Man’s Search For Himself.’

  “The Person feels threatened, but it is as if by a ghost, he does not know where the enemy is, or how to flee from it.”

In despair, I stumbled upon a beacon of hope- the pursuit of knowledge and meaning; Of Wonder.

I delved into philosophical, psychological, and religious inquiries, and was immediately drawn to the luminous intellects of Nietzsche, Kierkegaard, Lacan, Kafka, Dostoyevsky, Camus, and others. Painting became my escape, a way to pour my incomprehensible feelings and ideas into the canvas.

It was a transformation that breathed new life into my weary spirit.

Yet, a poem I had written earlier, “Masks, Mirrors, and Shadows,” catalyzed my metamorphosis. Exploring the concept of the “myth of the Ideal Self,” I unwittingly stumbled into the realms of Lacanian psychoanalysis which challenged me to explore my creative and philosophical ideas.

And thus, my blog was born.

With the humble curiosity of a child, I invite you to join me on this voyage into the depths of knowledge and wonder.

I am no “Teacher” or “Guide”, am still miserable and lost, nor do I promise to change your life or worldview, but I can promise you my raw “Truth” which is in itself a lie for it is impossible to tell the whole truth, but to the extent of my consciousness.

Together, let us unravel the mysteries of existence and chart a course toward enlightenment.

NMSTEPHENS